The Book of Life says two people can consider marriage when:
- they give up on perfection
- they despair of being understood
- they realize they’re crazy
- they’re ready to love rather be loved
- they’re ready for administration
- they understand that sex and love do and don’t belong together
- they’re happy to be taught and calm about teaching
- they realize they’re not that compatible
Waywardly says you know you’re ready for marriage when you find yourself nodding away as you read the article or the list I graciously prepared for the lazy readers. Admit it, you just wanna get married.
This point The Book of Life made on #6 resonates best with me:
“Both parties must therefore scrupulously avoid making the marriage ‘about sex’. They must also, from the outset, plan for the most challenging issue that will, statistically-speaking, arise for them: that one or the other will have affairs. Someone is properly ready for marriage when they are ready to behave maturely around betraying and being betrayed.”
In that sense, I’ve been ready even before teen age, right around when Bill Clinton’s and Jackie Chan’s scandals got exposed. I didn’t think affairs were a big deal and growing up hasn’t changed my mind. I even believe that affairs are necessary for couples development and self discovery. You may call me “damaged” but complete relationships are not merely about love and commitment. It should be like what you’d want in your omelette or Subway sandwich – a little bit of everything but more of what you like.
Where there’s love, there’s hate. Where there’s loyalty, there’s betrayal.
Once you embrace that, you can overcome your insecurity/fear of being betrayed.
Once you overcome your insecurity/fear of being betrayed, I pronounce you’re marriage-ready.
Me, I’m nowhere close to ready because I’ve already forgotten how the love business works.
So familiar, yet so strange.