Marketing Talk

If you’re new to the business world, you may soon find yourself in a marketing meeting and become very quickly disoriented. This is because marketing people speak a language that is disconcerting to the human ear and mystifying to the human mind.

To help you through this bewildering experience, here at The Ad Contrarian Global Headquarters we have created a glossary of terms that can help you understand what marketing people actually mean when they talk:

  • Engage – bother
  • Brand architect – account executive
  • Authentic – true sounding
  • Transparent – natural looking
  • Content – anything on the web
  • Branded content – anything on the web with a logo
  • Compelling content – content
  • Conversation – retweet
  • Follower  – stranger who wants something for nothing
  • Advisor – LinkedIn term for unemployed
  • Community – strangers who once clicked
  • Meaningfulness – (no one knows)
  • Branding – anything with a logo on it
  • Activation – when marketing people actually do something
  • Workshop – meeting
  • Roundtable – meeting
  • Summit – meeting
  • Town hall meeting – meeting
  • Training session – powerpoint-induced napping opportunity
  • Webinar – digitally delivered powerpoint-induced napping opportunity
  • Traditional – stuff we don’t do well
  • Brand advocate – customer
  • Brand ambassador – customer
  • Storyteller – copywriter
  • Passionate – opportunistic
  • Evangelist – inflexible bore
  • Data-driven – unimaginative
  • Brand purpose – something our CEO’s spouse is into
  • Disruptive – something our CEO’s daughter is into
  • Target audience – people like us

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